None of us completely escapes insecurities. There are some signs of insecurity in love that you cannot neglect if you want a stable, prosperous, and everlasting relationship. They are healthy up to a point, but when they exceed a limit, they can play against you in various ways.
We have compiled six signs of insecurity in love that you can use as a guide to starting working on them after identifying them. The problem is that sometimes they are so subtle that you don’t realize they are there. It’s also likely that you’ve been dragging them along for many years, to the point where you think they’re natural behaviors.
6 Signs Of Insecurity In Love
Researchers agree that love insecurity is a mediating factor in breaking up a romantic relationship, along with low self-esteem and relationship dissatisfaction. It can be explained in many ways, although one of the most common is insecure attachment.
Insecure attachment is characterized by fear and apprehension when establishing a relationship (friendship, partner, and others). Generally, it develops in childhood through the relationship with parents, guardians, or primary caregivers. Three types are distinguished those are anxious, avoidant, and fearful-avoidant.
This type of attachment has multiple consequences in life as a couple. In addition to increasing the chances of breaking up, evidence also indicates that it is a factor in sexual dissatisfaction. Let us look at some signs of insecurity in love that you can be used to identify.
1. You Are Afraid Of Abandonment
The fear of desertion is one of the main signs of insecurity in love. The indication is taken as a starting point to confirm or deny this pattern of behavior. It can manifest itself for many reasons. In almost everyone, it is due to low self-esteem. Let’s look at some examples:
- You feel that you are not too good for your partner.
- Are you think that she can find someone better as her life partner.
- Your fear that you will not be able to meet the expectations of the relationship.
- If you think that the relationship ends, you won’t be able to get someone else.
As expected, the fear of abandonment is a great stone that hinders a healthy relationship. Because of it, you can develop a series of behaviors that deteriorate you and the relationship. For example, you can tolerate certain actions so that these are not the trigger for a breakup (infidelity, violence, and others).
2. You Are Very Independent Of Your Partner
A curious thing about insecure attachment is that it develops through contrast. Although you feel fear of abandonment, this does not prevent you from expressing an independent attitude toward the relationship. This behavior begins in childhood and grows into adulthood with almost similar results.
Independence develops as a defense mechanism against insecurities and the fear of abandonment. For example, you can make decisions without consulting their opinion, hide or even reject acts of affection, and assimilate a distant or cold attitude. If the latter happens, at least I’m not as committed, and it won’t affect me as much as you think in your mind.
3. You Have A Tough Time Giving Up Trust
Trust is a central idea in every relationship. Many shipwrecks occur due to the lack of trust between the parties. However, your insecurities may prevent you from giving up this trust; sooner rather than later will affect the relationship in many ways.
Some explicit examples of lack of trust are that you doubt your partner’s fidelity and have misgivings about the feelings your partner tells you to profess. And also continually suspect that they are not telling you the truth.
Keep in mind that, in very simple terms, trust always means tolerating uncertainty. If you only concentrate on uncertainty and intolerance, things can only end on bad terms.
4. You Need The Relationship To Be Flawless
It is one of the signs of insecurity in love that originates in the romantic conception inherited from society. Many tend to idealize love to an extreme limit, so much so that it is close to the idea that people have of it in some movies, series, and commercials.
Therefore, you can even pretend that the relationship is perfect. When some aspect of it is not in line with your expectations, then you believe that it is a lousy relationship or that there is no point in continuing. Idealizing a partner to the extreme is not more than a symptom of your insecurity and fear. One that, by far, guarantees failure.
5. You Reference Past Relationships
That is, you evaluate your current relationship based on relationships you have had in the past. You don’t do it to recognize the good things, which could be positive. However, to find parallels and associations that lead you to suspect that this one is heading along the same lines.
It could also be a technique with some plus points. Comparing everything you do to what you did to someone else in the past will never end in a good way. The problem is when you start to force relationships, to the point that you start to make some without any argument.
6. You Turn Minor Conflicts Into Extreme Fights
Another characteristic of insecure attachment is that you unconsciously seek to sabotage yourself (which means sabotaging the relationship). Among other things, this will lead you to turn minor conflicts into momentous fights.
You will use any loophole to express insecurities, concerns, fears, jealousy, and internal conflicts in your favor. Remember what we already discussed about the relationship of contrasts since this goes against pretending that you want a perfect, ideal, and stable relationship.
Of course, there are many additional signs of insecurity in love: the rejection of sex (or dissatisfaction during encounters), pathological dependence, feeling threatened by the partner’s independence, and being under emotional control—all of these characteristics this behavior that slowly corrodes relationships.